It took me 48 hours after landing at Charles de Gaulle airport to realize that I was in Paris; I kept thinking to myself why the hell is everything in French?! I took even longer to accept the fact that I would be living in Paris for the next three months. Luckily, this is not the first time I’ve been to Paris, and I am happy to say that I no longer feel like a tourist. Instead, I feel like a person who has been given a wonderful opportunity to experience life in a whole new way. And this change couldn’t have come at a better time. Back in the States, I was beginning to feel stuck—helpless—like a pianist who forgot the notes to a piece they had been playing for years. There was an idleness that began to come over me, an idleness that stemmed from the monotony in my life; I no longer saw my purpose in living. Luckily, Paris has given me a refreshed perspective on life.
Everyday, I get to walk by this gorgeous piece of architecture: La Tour Eiffel. (And yes, I did take this photo with my wonderful iPhone 5s). I can’t help but laugh whenever I walk to the Passy Métro because it is incredible that I am standing in a city that has more than 2,000 years of history. That absolutely blows my mind! Even though I am 5,162 miles away from my home in Oakland, California, I feel honored to be living here for the next three months. Although, I cannot wait to see what the next 10 weeks have to offer, I am also a bit dismayed.
Being limited to ten weeks does not feel like enough time to fully embrace Paris with the utmost respect. From the arcades of the Champs-Elysées to the dome of the Sacré-Coeur to the graffiti on the street corner--there is so much to discover! Sometimes, have difficulty going to sleep due to the guilt associated with losing seven hours of time when I could be appreciating everything around me. I know Baudelaire must understand my grief as he writes, "What a peremptory order! What a bugle-blast of life! Already several hours of light - everywhere - lost by my sleep! How many illuminated things might I,have seen and have missed seeing!" There have been too many times in my life where I have let myself float without diving into what surrounds me. I won't let this happen while I am here...I can't. In order to make up for time lost in sleep, I have to be active during the day. But not too active when I become too overwhelmed and fatigued to the point where I can not even process or appreciate what I am doing.
For now, journaling and taking photos are helping me solidify my memories. That allows me to reflect upon the events that unfold at the end of each day. One "event" that "unfolded" was catching a glimpse of this petit escargot on the steps by the Château de Fontainebleau. Seriously though, how cute is he/she/ze?! Spirit animal for sure ;)
I remember feeling this way when I got to Paris. Like you, I left for Paris only shortly after some monumental changes in my life occurred. Its crazy to realize how much we have grown in the 4 months since we left. I was so lost when I arrived, and Paris gave me the chance to piece together who I am. I had the chance to form myself without the influence of anyone that I had previously known... a very rare opportunity. It makes me feel strong to look back at how I felt when I first arrived/left.
ReplyDelete